Fear of the dark in children: what to do when they won't sleep alone

«There's a monster under the bed.» «Don't turn off the light.» «Stay a little longer.» If these sound familiar, your child is going through a very common stage, and almost certainly a passing one.

It is a normal fear, and it makes sense

Night-time fears are among the most common in childhood. They usually appear around age 2 or 3 and are frequent throughout the preschool and early primary years. They arrive with a big leap in imagination: the same brain that can now invent stories cannot yet fully tell the imagined from the real, and in the dark the cues that say everything is fine are missing.

What helps

• Taking the fear seriously. «I understand it feels scary, I'm close by» soothes more than «that's silly».
• A dim, warm night light. It is not a step backwards: it is a support most children drop on their own in time.
• The door ajar and the normal sounds of the house in the background.
• A comfort object (a soft toy, a blanket) that «looks after» them.
• A calm routine that is always the same, which gives them a sense of control.
• Talking about the fear during the day, calmly, not right before lights out.
• Praising small steps: «you stayed on your own for a while last night, how brave».

What to avoid

• Laughing at the fear or comparing them with other children.
• Forcing them to stay in the dark «to get used to it».
• Monster-hunting rituals around the room: without meaning to, they confirm there could be one. It is better to say confidently that their room is a safe place.
• Scary content in the evening, including what older siblings are watching.

Staying close without staying all night

If right now they only fall asleep with you beside them, you can withdraw gradually. A few nights sitting on the bed; then on a chair next to it; later, at the door. Another option is to leave and promise to check on them in two minutes, keep the promise, and slowly lengthen the gap. What matters is that they find out, night after night, that you are available and that nothing happens in their room.

Stories are a way to talk about fear

A child finds it hard to explain what they feel, but understands very well what happens to a character. A story in which someone is afraid and finds a way through gives them words and a way out. lua has one written for this, «Destello is afraid of the dark»: a little star who doesn't want night to come, until Lua shows her that the dark is full of quiet friends and is very cozy.

When to ask for help

Talk to your pediatrician if the fear is very intense, lasts for months without improving, also shows up during the day, or seriously affects the whole family's rest. In most cases, with patience and consistency, it goes away on its own.